I am so ashamed to admit that Lorelei is nearly one year old and I’m just now sitting down to type out her story. In my defense, momming three small children is hard freaking work— and then throw moving to a newish area, trying to get into a good groove with homeschooling, and making new friends, and I literally have had zero time. But right this moment, I’m making time because this is important to me and I know it will be important to Lorelei (and maybe the other kids) in the future.

My pregnancy with Lorelei, who was known as Jon Snow then Baby Belvin while in utero, was probably my most difficult pregnancy. Physically, things were fine, but I really struggled emotionally. I’m not sure if it’s because she’s the third and my body was depleted, or maybe different hormones because she’s a girl… either way, I feel lucky that I made it out with *most* of my relationships intact.

This time around, we decided to choose a home birth. We wanted a home birth with Atticus, but with our insurance at the time, it was cheaper to have him at the birth center— plus our birth center did not offer many home births. We interviewed several HB midwives in our area and settled on the perfect pair. Christy and Jamie were awesome and perfect and they make me want to have millions of babies just so I can spend more time with them! And the whole home birth process was absolutely amazing. I’m sad that we didn’t have the others at home too. It was just so seamless and easy. Again, makes me want to do it over and over again, haha. And we had Veronica along for the ride again— she’s the best doula ever and really understands me and what I need when I’m in labor.

Our birth story begins a few days before the actual birth. On Friday morning (3/11) I woke up with contractions (similar to labor with Atticus) and thought that it was the real thing. I laid in bed for several hours timing contractions, making plans in my head. When Chris woke up I told him that he probably needed to stay home because I was pretty sure I was in labor. Boy, was I wrong. I got up to shower and start getting ready… and everything fizzled out. I was pretty disappointed and super grouchy for the rest of the day. We spent the weekend celebrating Grandma’s 86th birthday and spending time as a family all while losing mucus plug and having contractions that I tried to ignore.

On Monday morning, I was woken up by contractions at 5 am. I laid in bed for a while wondering if this was it, stressing about having to tell everyone that I might be in labor again. I get so worried about inconveniencing people—even with my midwives reminding me that this is their job. Sometimes I wish I could turn off that people pleasing, perfectionist part of my brain. I got in the shower and then texted Veronica at 6:45am. I finally gave myself permission to text my midwives at 7:15am with contractions still coming, around 5 mins apart, and seemingly getting stronger. I still had that unsure feeling in the back of my head–worried about getting everyone to the house and things fizzling out. I went to sit outside to watch the sunrise, eat some yogurt, and hang out on my birth ball. On the advice of my awesome doula, I was working on having my brain give my body permission to let that baby out–and just trying to get mentally prepared for the rest of labor (especially transition), birth, and the fact that we were going to have another baby! I had some great guided meditations from Miranda that really helped during this time. Chris got to work–getting the bed ready, calling his Mom to come get the boys, and getting the boys up and ready to go.

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While we waited on Nana to come get the boys, I spent some time with them. Logan helped me through a few contractions and then helped Chris start on the birth pool.

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Veronica arrived around 8:30. She helped Chris finish up the birth pool and helped Nana get the boys out the door. They were gone by 9am.

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Once the boys were out of the house, contractions intensified quite a bit. When the midwives arrived (about 15 mins after the boys left), Jamie had to get vitals, listen to the baby, and wanted to check me to see where we were at. I absolutely hate being checked– this was my first time to get checked the entire pregnancy! I was 6cm and 90% effaced.

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Veronica and I continued laboring in my room. At this point, things were still fun and we were laughing, giggling, and taking selfies in between contractions. We were also messaging with the girls in my group FB message giving them updates.

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I think we spent around 45 mins laboring in our room and then I decided that I wanted to get into the birth pool around 10. Once in the tub, things picked up very quickly. (The remaining images in this blog were taken by Natasha Hance with Birth Unscripted<3)

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After about an hour in the tub, Baby was crowning and it was discovered that Baby Belvin had a nuchal hand– meaning it had a hand up by its little face. In fact, I’m pretty sure I felt little fingers moving around as I pushed Baby out.

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You can’t see it, but Baby Belvin’s head is completely out here. Jamie helped guide Baby out because of that darn nuchal hand…

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and then I got to pull Baby up out of the water. Belvin was born at 11:04am–about one hour after I got into the tub.

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Up until this moment, we didn’t know if we were having a boy or a girl. We had wanted to be surprised.. but honestly, we did try to figure it out one night after my 20 week anatomy scan. We had the sonographer include the crotch shots, but not specify what it was– and we were completely unable to tell, even with the help of Google.

After the initial ‘hello, baby’ moment… I asked Chris if he was ready to look. I held the baby out trying to get a peek… totally expecting to see a penis, because that’s what I was so used to seeing. For a split second, I thought the cord was a penis! I moved it out of the way and saw that we had just had a girl. Our girl. Our Lorelei Marie… though she would not be officially named for a few days. I started sobbing. I just couldn’t believe that we had a girl. In that moment, I made a promise to her that I would do everything in my power to break the cycle of bad mother-daughter relationships that have persisted through my family for as long as I can remember. During my pregnancy, that was one of my biggest concerns about having a daughter– that I wouldn’t be a good mother to a daughter because I didn’t have a good relationship with my own mother. And if I’m being completely honest, this is a fear that is always in the back of my mind. All day. Every day.

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Oh, the feels! We sat together in the water while we waited for the cord to stop pulsing. I studied her face, taking in every little detail of the moment. Counting her fingers and toes, looking at her hair, which was still covered in part of the sac and other birthy bits.

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I decided that I did not want to deliver the placenta in the tub, so we moved to the bedroom. Right about that time, Miranda showed up and found out that we had a girl. Her reaction (and the dropping of the f-bomb) was hilarious!

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Another major difference with this birth was that we did an herbal bath together right after she was born. For the first little bit, she was still attached to her placenta. I wanted to get a few shots of her still attached to show the boys. Logan was especially interested in the placenta and umbilical cord when we would talk about the pregnancy together.

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After we took a couple of photos for Logan, Chris cut the umbilical cord and then we finished up our herbal bath.

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We then went right into the newborn exam which Lorelei hated. She cried through most of it. 🙁

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Our sweet girl weighed 8lbs 11oz and was 20.5 inches long! She was (and still is) absolutely perfect in every way. And she took to nursing like a champ immediately.

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We had Nana bring the boys back so they could meet Baby Belvin while our photographer was still at the house. Atticus wanted nothing to do with her…  and Logan was in love immediately. He said that he was going to call her Belvin forever and did not care if Mommy and Daddy gave her a new name.

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We still had the placenta nearby, so I brought it out for Logan to see. Some might think I’m pretty gross, but I thought it was cool to play with.

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Atticus still wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. This would continue for a couple of weeks after the birth. thegrowingtreeblog_0095thegrowingtreeblog_0096

 

After my family arrived and everyone knew that Belvin was a girl, I announced to my FB message group. The reactions still bring tears to my eyes. Mainly because they’re hilarious.

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Our amazing birth team!! These amazing women make me want to have all the babies. I love them so very much. <3thegrowingtreeblog_0097

 

Last but not least, the birth video: