At around 8 weeks during our pregnancy with Baby Cuatro, I started bleeding. After initially being terrified that we were having a miscarriage, we got an early sono and discovered that I had placenta previa, which means that my placenta was covering the cervix and likely the cause of my bleeding. The bleeding seemed to get worse when I was really active or lifted anything too heavy. Because of this my midwife said that I needed to take it easy and go on modified bedrest. This threw my whole life into a tail spin. (And interestingly enough, I had a previa during my pregnancy with Atticus too and never had any bleeding at all. In fact, I had never had to deal with something like this during a pregnancy… ever.) It was absolutely devastating for me. I was already an emotional mess because of hormones and being in the middle of the 1st trimester, but then to be told that I couldn’t do what I wanted to do… ugh. Needless to say, it was a very, very difficult time for me.
It was the beginning of the Fall semester and all of our usual activities were starting back up. And since I was now supposed to ‘take it easy’ I wasn’t allowed to go to any of those activities. This meant no Forest School and no Co-op. Calling my friend Christina to tell her that we weren’t going to be able to participate in Co-op was awful. I remember trying so hard not to cry on the phone… I don’t usually cry in front of people… but I couldn’t hold back the tears. She was so amazing and stepped up and took care of everything for me. I’m so lucky to have people like her in my tribe. Having to tell the kids that we were missing Co-op was even worse. Atticus was so upset and cried for days and I just felt like it was all my fault for being broken… which made me spiral down even further. I had to completely go off of social media… again. Seeing all of our friends doing the things that we were supposed to be doing was too hard for me.
The first couple of weeks, I stayed in bed mostly. Half from being scared that the heavy bleeding would get worse, and the other half from depression. Since I wasn’t on social media, I did a lot of reading and watching strange YouTube documentaries. That amazing husband of mine stepped up and took care of everything– all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery pick up, extra kid duties… all on top of working more than full time and being there for me emotionally. Which was a job in and of itself seeing as how I was a complete and total mess. Y’all, I know I probably don’t say it nearly enough… but that man of mine is so amazing.
When I was in the middle of it all, I felt like it was never going to end. Being on this side of it, though… happily in the middle of my second trimester and OFF of bedrest… I’m working through it and reflecting on that time and trying to find the positive, which was impossible for me to do those first couple of weeks. I was forced to let people help me, which is really hard for me. I remember arguing with Jordan about accepting his help. He wanted to come get the kids for me and take them to Forest School. I didn’t feel like I could accept that because it was so far out of his way. I finally just gave in and I’m glad I did. I got to see how many people love and support me and our little family. It was a great lesson in how to NOT be so freaking stubborn.
I was also able to really focus in on our homeschool. Without social media to keep me busy and not being able to leave the house very much, I was forced to really look at what had been working with our homeschool and what needed to change. We designed and set up (well, Chris did the setting up and heavy lifting) a new school room that has been working out beautifully. I have really got a handle on all of our curriculum choices and scheduling this year. We started Atticus in Kindergarten… a year before he would even be enrolled in public school…. all because he wanted to learn like his big brother. And Logan’s reading and math have really taken off. Lorelei even has her own desk in our school room and loves to do her work like her brothers. I’m just really feeling much more settled in our routine and the flow of everything. A much needed change from last year.
In all, we were on bed rest for a little over 5 weeks, which seems laughable when I’ve had friends have to be on strict bedrest for months and months. But in the middle of it, I didn’t know how long it was going to last and had resigned myself to having to take it easy until April. But just as suddenly as it came on, the bleeding stopped. We were able to finish out the last half of co-op and I was even able to go to one of the last Forest School days. I’m happy to report that we are completely back to normal and since my little stint of modified bed rest, this pregnancy has actually been pretty darn easy… maybe my easiest yet!
Here’s the first sono of our little squish when we thought we were losing him/her. Hearing that heartbeat for the first time… when I had been preparing myself for a miscarriage… was pretty much the most magical sound ever.
