Q: Where does an 800 lb gorilla (TinyFatBaby) sleep?
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A: Anywhere he wants.
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Well, we are working on fixing that. Our 800 lb gorilla has gotten into some bad sleeping habits thanks to his Mommy. I’m definitely paying for it now though….
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At night we have been letting him sleep in his bouncy chair…I know, I’m a horrible parent… but I was too nervous in the beginning to let him sleep with the both of us and holding him all night was getting way old. He likes the vibration and the tight secure feeling of it and will sleep for 3 to 4 hours at a time. Unfortunately, he can’t sleep in the bouncy seat forever (although Chris and I joke about him being 18 and taking it with him to college) and I figured that now is the best time to teach him to sleep without it.
During naptime, he currently sleeps in his swing. He likes the motion and (again) the tight, secure feeling. I can put him in his swing during his naptime completely awake, and the white noise combined with the moving mobile will put him in a daze and he will fall asleep. He’s a busy little guy, and it’s hard for him to sleep during the day if there is too much going on. He’s like his Momma… scared he’s going to miss something cool. So, I came to the realization that he wasn’t sleeping enough during the day. Left to his own devices, he will stay awake for up to 4 hours… and by that time he is an absolute bear (or an 800 lb gorilla) and you have to pull out the big guns to get him to fall asleep. I’m talking snuggled in the MobyWrap, paci in mouth, white noise blaring on the iPhone, while Mommy vacuums. And if that happens to work, good luck getting him to stay asleep if you try to put him down.
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So, being the consummate researcher that I am, I turned to Google and several baby books and started reading everything I could. Let me tell you something… everyone and their mother has a different approach to getting babies to sleep and they all pretty much contradict one another. One book tells you to put the kid on a strict schedule and let them cry-it-out (CIO) when it’s bed/naptime, while the next one tells you that you should co-sleep and that it’s not healthy to let them CIO. Then another will try to take the middle of the road approach, but then not be supportive of breastfeeding and other aspects of parenting that are important to us. Seriously. So, I moved onto reading blogs and forums to find out what other mothers of 7 week old babies are doing to get their little guys to sleep. Some allow their little ones to sleep in a swing/bouncy seat, some co-sleep, some hold their kids all night, and then there are the ones that have the perfect little angels who go down at 8pm in their own crib, and won’t wake up until 8am the next morning and allegedly didn’t have to do anything to get their kid to do this. Now, realistically, I’m not expecting an exclusively breastfed 7 week old to sleep 12 hours. It’s not developmentally appropriate. Breastmilk digests faster than formula, so babies that only get breastmilk will naturally wake up hungry a couple times a night. As he gets older, he will be able to go longer in between feedings, but for now I have to deal with it. Not a big deal. I just want him to sleep longer than an hour at a time in an appropriate place (ie: bassinet).
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Let’s talk about some of our options here….
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Strict schedule and CIO:
Well, first of all we nurse on demand. When Logan exhibits signs of hunger (rooting, sucking on his hands, crying), I offer up the goods (= boob). Sometimes he will eat, sometimes he will turn me into a mommy pacifier. This is what I was told to do at my birth classes, by my midwife, the lactation consultant, our pediatrician, etc… so, that strict schedule stuff is out the window. Not to mention that research has shown that strict schedules for tiny babies can lead to “failure to thrive”. Nursing on demand has worked for us so far (I mean, he’s obviously a BIG healthy dude) so there’s no need to even look at changing it. And as far as cry-it-out is concerned… no. I’m not going to let my 7 week old lay in his crib and scream. I’ve already gotten shit for this decision, so no need to tell me that I’m spoiling him or creating a monster. I just don’t feel comfortable with it.
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Co-Sleeping:
Such a controversial topic and my favorite baby gurus (The Sears family) are big time advocates. So, we’ve tried it. And yes, we are able to sleep for longer periods of time. Feeding him is way easier cause when he wakes up hungry, I pop a boob in his mouth and go back to sleep. But, it’s not the most comfortable. He basically likes to reverse spoon when he sleeps with us–be as close as he can, but facing me instead of facing out like regular spooning. This makes for easy access for breastfeeding, but also makes for a very uncomfortable night’s sleep for the Mommy. Plus, he is a very noisy kid, even when he sleeps. It wakes me (and Chris) up when he is constantly grunting, kicking, and rolling around. The quantity of sleep is increased, but the quality sucks.
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What the hell are we supposed to do???
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I’m in the midst of this battle, so I still don’t know if what I have decided to do is correct/will work for us. But here’s a run down of what I’ve instituted thus far…
*First and foremost, (in true behavior analyst style) I started taking data. This can help my sleep deprived mind see if we are making progress or not… and help me pick out what is working vs what is not working.
*I took away the bouncy seat completely. I thought about trying to fade it out gradually, but couldn’t figure out how. So it just went away. In fact, we haven’t used it for sleeping in over a week. We are now working on getting him to sleep in his bassinet in our room. I am not ready for him to sleep in his crib yet because I like having him close to us.
*Since I took away his bouncy seat, TinyFatBaby now wakes up every 30 minutes to an hour. Yes, it’s been a very long week and a half. I managed to get a 3 hour stretch out of him one night, but he hasn’t repeated that. Last night I did get an hour and a half and then a 2 hour stretch. Maybe that’s a sign that things are getting better….
*I am also working on simulating that tight, secure feeling. Problem is, this kid hates being swaddled. He likes to have his hands by his face, so swaddling the regular way is an obvious no-go. I’ve even tried swaddling with his hands up next to his face. He screamed so loud it woke Chris up out of a deep sleep in another room. He thought Logan was dying. It took a good 45 minutes to get him calmed down, too. Not a fun night.
*I’ve started trying to get him into more of a routine. We are working on getting up at the same time everyday, as well as having a more consistent bedtime. We are also working off of a very loose schedule throughout the rest of the day. We are pretty much using the basic tenants of Babywise, but not being a strict crazy asshat about it. We wake up, we eat and have a diaper change, we play, and then we take a nap (well, we are working on the whole nap thing). This cycle is on repeat all day until our bedtime routine starts. Obviously, since we are still feeding on demand, if he acts hungry at other times of the day, I offer up the goods. And if he refuses at his “scheduled” time… that’s okay, too. Like I said, it’s a very loose schedule.
*White noise. We’ve been doing this since the beginning, but I just thought I’d add it on here since we are still doing it. I have an app downloaded on an old iPhone that we don’t use anymore. I just turn it on and lay it in the crib with him. Easy, and I didn’t have to buy some fancy machine.
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So, basically, I rock him or nurse him to sleep and then put him in his bassinet when I know that he is in a deep sleep. Since he doesn’t like to be swaddled when he’s awake, I wrap a blanket around him after he’s asleep. So far, he hasn’t minded this method of “swaddling”. When he wakes up, he will usually lay there and fuss and make noises. I don’t pick him up yet… I wait until he starts really crying because I’m hoping that he will learn to put himself back to sleep. If he does start crying, I try putting the paci back in his mouth and patting him. If this doesn’t work, I pick him up, offer some food, and rock him back to sleep. Sometimes he chooses to eat, sometimes he refuses. I find that he usually eats about every 3 hours at night–we were going 4 when he was sleeping longer with the bouncy seat and even nursed every hour during a growth spurt a couple of weeks ago. It just depends. I have also limited the amount of stimulation… no lights (except for night lights), I don’t talk to him, no TV, etc. I have found that he falls back to sleep faster when there’s nothing going on to occupy his attention.
Using the above method, he is currently sleeping for an average of 1 hour before waking. A couple of times it’s been longer (1.5-3 hrs) and it’s frequently shorter (30 mins…especially towards the beginning of the night).
Since I’m not picking him up at the first peep he makes, we have temporarily relocated to the living room so we don’t wake Chris. When we were all in the bedroom together, I felt the need to pick him up at the first instance of noise for fear that Chris will wake up. This will all change in a few weeks when I go back to work… but for now, Daddy gets uninterrupted nighttime sleep during the week.
Which leads me to my next issue… I am the only one who can get Logan to go to sleep at night. We are going to have to work on Daddy being able to comfort him at night. And eventually grandparents…
Ugh. Maybe I have created a monster (an 800 lb gorilla). He sure is a cute little monster, though:
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Logan says that he sleeps where he wants to sleep, how he wants to sleep, when he wants to sleep. This picture is proof of that. Sleeping on Daddy’s lap in a supermodel pose. And he’s so big that he’s busting through his footie pajamas. This kid is going to be 7 ft tall.