This was my first week alone and holy crap… it was a tough one. The beginning of the week started out fine. I was able to keep the boys entertained while Lorelei slept… because she sleeps a lot during the day, but not so much at night. I feel like no one was really sleeping at night this week. Logan was waking because his cold from last week turned into an ear infection and just to make sure he wasn’t being left out, Atticus decided to start waking at night again, too. Needless to say, this Momma is so. damn. tired.
I was, however, able to really rock out the first couple of days with minimal tears. Since I’m not really able to leave the house, we did lots of fun activities. Like, writing in our journals.
Logan writing in his journal about the go-cart and drone he wants to buy.
We dissected flowers and then used the petals to make art.
We created a dinosaur habitat.
And made some slime.
All while the sister napped.
And napped some more. That’s what happens when you’re up at least every hour at night.
I was even able to muster up the courage to load all of the kids up in the car and go for a drive. This was a big deal for me because car rides have been super difficult. For a short time, they were all asleep. It was the most magical 5 minutes. Ever.
And that’s where the amazing photos and experiences end. Get ready for some real talk… Somewhere around mid-week the lack of sleep, not leaving the house, and hormones/PPD caught up with me and we went into survival mode. This is also right around the time that Lorelei started purple crying in the evenings. Here… I wrote this post in the middle of it. Enjoy that awesome photo. Chris was off Thursday and got to see lots of tears and me go into full blown panic attack mode when the baby started crying in the car. That’s when he told me he was worried about me… and suggested I reach out to my midwife. My pregnancy with Lorelei had been so, so difficult– mostly emotionally– so I had *tried to* prepare myself for the likelihood that postpartum would also be very emotionally difficult. I talked with my midwife about a supplement that I had heard about but wasn’t on yet and started on it that night… I also increased some other supplements I was already taking and started making my food/drink intake a priority. I realized that when Chris was home, I never had to even think about eating or drinking water. He was always there feeding me and pushing liquids. Without him there to remind me (and cook for me, lol) I was just forgetting to eat and drink. It took a couple of days, but I started feeling better. More like myself again.
I also dialed back the supermom bullshit I was trying to live up to and started carving out more time for myself (for like, a shower or a 15 minute cat nap). Sometimes I’m such a perfectionist and a ‘want to do it all’ kind of person that I wind up sabotaging my own metal health which in turn negatively affects the relationships with those around me… in this case, the kids–especially my sweet, emotional Logan. This bout with PPD (and even the antepartum crap) has made me realize that I need to focus on turning inward and start repairing myself. That whole break the cycle thing… ya know, for the kids.
It helps that I have the most amazing husband and he insisted that we get out of the house and do fun things over the weekend while he was home.
Saturday, we met up with our friends at the zoo.
And Sunday, we spent the afternoon at the lake.
It was super therapeutic for me to get outside and spend some time in nature. Thank you, husband, for taking care of us. <3